Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
