I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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