i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize