Fine. I'll sleep in my office
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
