you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
