he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize