You smell like a Billy Joel song
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
