Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
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