So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
