Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
