my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize