i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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