Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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