whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
