if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Success! We fucked roommates!
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
