I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
