This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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