Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
