you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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