fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Randomize
