So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
