So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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