I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
