Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
