Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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