so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
