But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
