I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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