wrigley field is MILF paradise
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
