he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Randomize
