Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
