he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
