Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
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