yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
