So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize