So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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