Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
