I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
