last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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