there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
