Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
