My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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