I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
