matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize