if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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