If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Randomize
