Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Do you still have your period?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
