I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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