im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
