either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
