lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
