So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
