that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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