My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize