life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize