I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
