I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
