We named our party play list daddy issues
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
