I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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