we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
