I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
