Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Randomize
