When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
