I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
you never un-have a 4some
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
