dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
