dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
