Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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