I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
