Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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